Time is precious.

Let's head to the week after my birthday. THe main topic on the famil agenda is finding out what's wrong with daddy! His hip pain has become increasingly worse, and we had to schedule a biopsy because it looked to the doctors like we might be looking at cancer! So the biopsy rolls around, and cancer is confirmed, so now we just need to know what we can do to get rid of it and relieve my pops hip pain. Dad has been out of work for about 2 weeks by the time we have all of this information and money is becoming a growing worry and stress factor on the parents minds. To relieve things for the moment, we end up selling the car that i'd been using. this really puts a damper on me being able to go full speed ahead with starting a business designing homes out in dallas, or anywhere else for that matter. So Toshi and i finished up with the client we had, and get one more that will give us a lot less work, but something more manageable. This means that I need to find a second job in the area though, that i can get to easily, and with the parents help, so that i can quickly get money for another car and help out monetarily around the house.

Now a bit of delving into my mind during this time. I was really focusing on not sounding at all selfish on the outside, but i am really having some concerns as to what is going to happen to all of my own goals, my plans, and all that jazz. I felt confident, and still do, that my dad is going to beat this, but life as i wanted it to be was still going to have to change. I was going to try to go back to school, but that plan is put off for at least the next semester. We sold my transportation, so my plan for work was going to have to change as well, and I was already to the point where I was not going to do a job that I don't like, or do something that would leave me at a standstill. It's my firm belief that in order to make it ahead in life, in order to achieve your dreams, you can never settle. I believe that people will try to get in your way, people that you LOVE, can inhibit you from going places if you let them! I had already been unhappy, i did antidepressants already, and they only help people that are at a stable point in life, help you to maintain what already is. Thing is, I want better. So when the parents suggest that i find something in ft. worth to do instead of dallas and focus on working instead of trying to go back to school, I have to fight that. It's just not what i want. And when the siblings tell me that if i dont hear back from the job that i want to get then i need to just find something else that i can ride the bus to, I can't believe that that is an option that I'll have to take. Because I see better for myself. And anything less is just keeping me where I am, like an antidepressant. And I'm so done with those.

Finally, back to the family situation. After we get the biopsy results we find out that dad has lung cancer, and it's moved to the hip bone as well, so radiation and chemo need to start immediately. My dad is on lots of bedrest, and we return his company truck for the time, until we know more about when he'll be able to work at some capacity again. The money is running low for sure, but of course family and friends are taking care of us from all over. My dad has worked his whole life, and given up everything for everybody. He's 65, and looks great, he needed to know that his giving was not in vain. To know that there are those that are just as willing to return the favor as he is to give one. I got a second job waiting tables at an upscale eaterie, and i feel that things can only get better. I'm keeping my eye on my goals, and while some goals were paused for a bit, others were brought to the surface. Like helping the family, leaning on my friends for support, and being that sticky stuff that holds a family together. Things are going well, and while i can't ask for much more, i am not recieving less than everything from the family and friends who are being there for us though this experience.

Thanks dudes and dude-ettes.